A new #boostyourpositivity theme has been sitting on my virtual blogging shelf ever since it was announced almost two weeks ago. While my morning routine proved quite easy to write about, the work topic wasn’t very much so. Imagine what went through my mind when I read about the third theme: describe your relationship with your body. I have been running from writing this post ever since, but decided that today I would have to bite the bullet. Eventually I did postpone writing this until 6pm… Crazy, huh? Let’s get this over and done with, shall we?
I’m not going to say there’s some kind of romance going on here between my body and me. Definitely not. Growing up I was the big kid. Looking back at photos from my first communion I was the tallest one of the group and I mean, really tall at that point. For those of you who haven’t met me in real life: the centimeters didn’t add up once I passed my 11th birthday, so I’m now still standing tall at 169cm (which is tall when you’re 10).
There was not only the height, though. I think I got my first bra very early on. I mean, looking back at photos, I think my boobs have been ever present. Of course I’m happy with these two now, but when you’re still in elementary school you don’t want them, trust me.
I think both my mind and body grew up on a rapid pace which didn’t always have me at a happy place. It also made room for a lot of insecurities which are still present today.
For most of my life I’ve had struggles with my weight. I adore food, both healthy and not so healthy food. I tried my hand at several diets ever since I was 13. While my friends lived (and some still do) in a size 0, I never even managed to get a hold of a size 6 (it’s my secret fantasy, can you blame me?). This whole ordeal made me very insecure. I used to wear loose shirts and trousers throughout most of high school. By the time I was 16 I did slim down a bit and wore more feminine clothes. I also applied make-up and have been ever since. I don’t think I’ve ever been to work without any make-up on. So, no, I don’t consider myself a natural beauty either.
I think the weight journey has continued up until today. There have been ups and downs with me being most happy with my body and weight back in the summer of 2014. Thanks to Weight Watchers I managed to slim down to a size 8 and reached my lowest weight in years. However, a summer with BBQs and drinks, snacking on winter food had me gain half of the weight I lost early last year. To be honest, I’ve been struggling to get back on track ever since. I know it’s a phase I have to get through, but so far I haven’t been able to.
Don’t get me wrong, though, I still feel way better in my own skin than I did when I was a teenager. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m curvy and I have hips, but things could get better than this. My goal is to get back where I was in May 2014 by skipping unhealthy snacks and adding sports to my daily routine. I didn’t do the latter back in 2014 so I hope it will give some space to have a drink from time to time or not having to say no to birthday treats at work. All while keeping fried food and unhealthy snacks at a bare minimum.
While preparing for this post I went through my #boostyourpositivity feed and was inspired by my fellow blogger ladies Falderie, Josie and Sylvie. Every single one of them had a unique take on this topic and I admire them for feeling good in their own skin. Go read up on their stories if you haven’t already.
And the obvious question: how is your relationship with your body? Happy? Always have been or not so much? I’m very eager to read how you feel about your body so don’t hesitate to leave a comment below.
photo by Ines Van Helleputte